CULVER CITY, CA - Exhausted and exasperated Morning Edition host Ari Shapiro, said the word "shithole" on the radio for the 16th time last week, signifying a shift in radio ethics not breached since NPR hosts had to utter the word "pussy" on the air to do their job and report the things the President of the United States says. Although it was a bleak week for public radio, it was a milestone in the life of the honored word, Shithole. Before Trump's disparaging remarks about immigrants wanting to emigrate to the United States from African countries, the word was considered too taboo for the mainstream media and especially radio. Since the comment though, Shithole has seen both major spikes in use and has been welcomed into the "Trump Made NPR Say This Awful Word" Hall of Fame. "Frankly, I'm honored the President used me, things have been really going well for me," said Shithole when asked for comment. Shithole went on to clarify, "I am really part of the vernacular now! I've made appearances on CNN, NPR, Fox, hell even on PBS. Pussy and I are really enjoying the elite status among swear words, and we keep telling all the others, not too worry, it'll only be a matter of time before Trump brings you into the spotlight. My money is on the N-word next, but isn't that obvious?"
Hosts of various NPR shows are currently looking to hire African American hosts in preparation for the inevitable.
President Donald Trump held the first annual Fake News Awards yesterday awarding honors to CNN, The New York Times, ABC and The Washington Post while snubbing the industry leader in fake news, The Onion. Publishing since 1988 The Onion has been the nation’s leader in satirical and fake news articles for nearly three decades, and yet the President failed to mention the organization even once during the awards show.
“Frankly, I’m amazed,” said Chad Nackers, The Onion’s current Editor in Chief, “I don’t mean to brag, but we practically invented fake news, no wait, we did. Look it up. Seriously, thirty years of this shit and we get rebuffed at the first awards? That’s like Trump not appearing at the bottom of every list of the best presidents, it is unacceptable.”
Other writers at The Onion were equally dismayed, some wondering what they were even doing in the space if they couldn't get such an obvious award. Mike Gillis, senior writer at the leading satirical news site came into work on Thursday with his head hung low and his shoulders slumped in a sign of utter defeat, "We work day in and day out coming up with real fake news, some really clever stuff about Trump, his kids, and the Bannon jokes, they're gold I tell you! Gold! And look at us now, 28 years in the making and it is like we don't even exist. Maybe I'll go write real news for the Times if that's what it takes!"
In an effort of full transparency, Balanced and Fair News was also not considered for a Fake News Award, and that like, totally, sucks man.