SAN DIEGO, CA - Local resident Alexander Petit sat down last weekend to get his life in order, putting organization and task management first in the new year by creating a to-do list in order to gain perspective on the things needed to increase his happiness in 2018.
He began Sunday afternoon with a short list of a few items, that ranged from taking out the trash to getting his car washed, "It seemed to be going pretty well," remarked Petit, "but then my hand started to cramp and I realized it was three hours later and I still was just listing things to do."
Petit had indeed began the list in an earnest effort to be more productive but slowly realized he was utilizing the list itself as a method of procrastination. Reports indicate around item number 187 on the list which was, "alphabetize unread junk mail", is when Alexander realized that he should probably just fucking do something already.
Petit spent several minutes trying to decide if he should begin his taxes, feed his fish, organize the pantry, go for a run, vacuum the living room, pay bills, call his mother, read a book, update his work schedule, clean the front closet or one of the other 228 items on his to do list then began to add some more to just be sure he wasn't missing anything.
Finally realizing he should be productive he closed his eyes and pointed to a random numbered item on his list, landing on to do list item number four, "type to do list", which he promptly began working on, finishing just minutes before bedtime. Sources say Petit fell asleep that night feeling "accomplished" despite having his junk mail still not alphabetized.