WASHINGTON D.C. - As harsher winters hit the United States every year, the poor and disenfranchised citizens of northern states have struggled in the last decade to manage their limited income and heating costs. Luckily, Obama era guidelines have offered government assistance for their heating costs allowing these poor families' incomes to go farther.
In President Trump's new budget, these helpful subsidies would be eliminated. The President however, didn't see what the big deal was.
"Look, okay, so, like it snows in New York City, right, maybe you've heard of it, the city that never sleep, okay? It's where I'm from, frankly, and many people are saying this, it is the greatest city in the world, take it from me. Believe me. Anyways, so yeah, it snows, and do you ever see me in the snow? Does the dishonest media ever show pictures of me in the cold snow? I don't like the snow but the media wouldn't tell you that, they'd tell you I was Frosty the Snowman. Okay, but no when it snows, what do I do? I go to a little place, I don't know, maybe you've heard of it? Mar-a-lago? Hello, why do my taxes and believe me I pay taxes, man is this tax bill bad for me...Why are my taxes paying for these folks, okay, who need to stay in their homes? Okay so yeah I go to Florida, so I guess what I am saying is, maybe we can spend less heating the homes of those who are too stubborn to fly to their second homes in Florida. I don't heat Trump Tower with the government's money, okay? I have a Russian who pays for it," said the President when asked about the proposal.
Further reports indicate that when White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked about the President's statement, she muttered, "I need a drink," under her breath while she began her rebuttal, making a connection between President Trump playing more golf so that the country could save money by not cleaning up any messes he could have made while otherwise trying to be President.
WASHINGTON D.C. – Under fire during his fifth week in office, President Donald Trump used the skills he writes about in the best-selling The Art of the Deal to masterfully negotiate a one week stay of execution before the United States Congress begins formal impeachment proceedings. The proceeding will be focused on Trumps numerous conflicts of interests and frightening ties to Russia.
Counselor to the President, Kellyanne Conway made the rounds on cable news networks to laud the President’s scrupulous negotiating acumen, “What the fake news, lame stream media isn’t focusing on is the fact that without his impressive and aggressive negotiating skills, the President would be in court right now instead of first thing Monday morning. Because he is so skilled, he’s actually in Mar-A-Lago now playing golf and holding classified intelligence briefings on the ninth green.”
The administration also came forward with a statement by Stephen Miller, a close advisor to the President who had these strong words for the media, “The President Supreme of these United States shall not be questioned in any circumstance, measure or capacity. Failure to abide by these demands will result in becoming an enemy of freedom itself.” He was also asked about his personal life, and sources say that Mr. Miller is single, unsurprisingly.
When questioned if he had anything to be worried about, the President said he could be more
confident with an answer after his fifth scheduled call with Vladimir Putin which is scheduled for this afternoon. The interview was reportedly abruptly ended when Steve Bannon opened a door and cleared his throat. The President swiftly exited and tweeted the following seconds later.
