SAN DIEGO, CA - Newly crowned champion surfer, Bobby "Shredder" Simmons recently shocked the surfing world when he shredded his way past the competition into the top slot after a pretty sick monster wave granted his board access to a tube unlike any other seen that day. After taking the first place prize the surfer went on to give a rousing speech while holding a Corona thanking his parents, family, friends, the epic babes that cheered him on and his surfing buddies.
His gnarly speech was totally criticized by those who felt like he like totally left out a key player, man. The moon. Neil deGrasse Tyson, the Director of the Hayden Planetarium and all around know-it-all was the leading critic of Simmons saying, "The gravitational forces that were responsible for such a perfect wave to manifest were one hundred percent the work of the moon, the only natural satellite that orbits earth. Without the moon, the oceans would be vast pools of still water, unable to..." Neil continued to ramble on about the moon and oceans for sometime, but we got pretty bored and stopped taking notes.
Regardless on the flub, Simmons says no one can take away his victory, not even the stupid moon, "I gave credit to the real heroes of surfin' the dudes and babes out here shredding every single day. The moon disappears like once a month. Some commitment."
When asked for comment, the moon did not respond because it is a floating barren space rock.