Updated: Mar 17, 2021
NEW ORLEANS, LA - Residents of Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida are frankly a little sick and tired of hearing everyone freak out about Hurricane Florence and her endless assault of never ending rain on North and South Carolina. Several disgruntled members of the Gulf states reckon it isn't fair and they are due for their own storm.
"Now you tell me how else am I gonna get me both CNN, fake news liberal media, and Fox News, which is trusted fair and balanced because the President, MAGA baby, tells me so, to come down here and give a shit about me unless I'm neck deep in flood water," asked concerned resident of Mandeville, Louisiana Brittney Gautier.
"It just ain't fair. Hurricanes and flooding are all we got down here. Not fair for states that actually matter to be taking all we got. The damn hurricane ain't even no hurricane no more, it's a tropical storm or it's depressed or something."
Echoing her concerns or other deep South residents are pissed off they haven't had a Katrina like storm in ages, causing the nation to collectively ignore the Gulf states until something interesting happens in them or a storm hits, whichever happens first.
Updated: Mar 17, 2021
WASHINGTON D.C. - President Trump is gearing up for a response to what may be the largest national disaster to hit the United States in recent memory, since his administration has already forgotten about Puerto Rico and Hurricane Maria.
In his remarks to the nation he assured the worried nation that he knew exactly what he was up against. "They haven't seen anything like what's coming at us in 25, 30 years, maybe ever. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet," said the President, forgetting about Hurricanes Katrina, Rita, Maria, Andrew, Sandy and Ivan which all devastated the country in the last three decades.
While the liberal media came quickly to criticize the Commander-in-Chief, the scientific community was by the President's side in no time. "Look politics aside, we have taken sometime to analyze the statement and we do expect the Hurricane to be both big and wet on what some would consider to be a tremendous scale. So, he's right. Technically, of course, and we have to give him credit on that," said Chief Meteorologist Jake Storm of FEMA.
When asked about the President's claims that 3,000 people didn't die because of Maria the scientific community as a whole said that they "wouldn't touch that batshit crazy remark with a ten foot pole."