Updated: Mar 17
WASHINGTON D.C. - Both President Trump and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell have both blamed the Obama administration for the country's failed response to the Coronavirus pandemic.
The Republicans are declaring that Obama's 69-page pandemic response guide, preparing a tabletop pandemic exercise days before Trump's inauguration, and multiple warnings from the CDC (which Trump's administration defunded by over 700 million dollars) led the nation into this chaos.
Former President Obama took a play out of Trump's playbook and decided to pass the blame to his predecessor President Bush. Hearing this Bush immediately pointed out that he was left zero plan for a Covid-19 type outbreak from President Clinton. Upon reading about that accusation, President Clinton said he left that to his wife Hillary and it was her fault.
Everyone agreed that the plan for the pandemic response was in her deleted emails.
When she learned of the accusation, the former Secretary of State, Senator and First Lady replied, "Yeah, fuck it, why not?"
WASHINGTON D.C. - President Donald Trump emerged from the White House this week after spending two months in the White House on lockdown and noticed his shadow in the Rose Garden.
Frightened by the intimidating shape of his gargantuan shadow, the President shuffled back indoors to the safety of this television with the Fox News logo burned into the corner of the screen.
Minutes later, he tweeted that the quarantine would continue for another six weeks, and that is was former President Obama's fault.
Story Idea by Emily Perkins
DENVER, COLORADO - On March 4th, 2019 former Governor of Colorado John Hickenlooper announced that he was seeking the Democratic Nomination for the Presidency of the United States. And with a smirk that only a man with a last name as silly as Hickenlooper could have, he announced less than a month later today that the whole thing was just on elaborate April Fools prank.
"Oh my God, everyone totally fell for it. CNN, Fox, hell even the New York Times thought I was seriously running!" Hikenlooper rasped out between belly laughs. "Seriously, we got them SO good! People even donated money to me! Did they not know that real candidates were running? They had to be in on the joke."
Polling at or below 1% in most polls, Hickenlooper was afraid that he wouldn't be able to keep the joke under wraps until the first of April.
"I just want to thank my 'staff' for playing along, as well as all my 'supporters'! We really crack ourselves up."
When asked if he thought this was the best prank in recent political history, the former governor said that honor goes to the Republican Party in 2016 for nominating Trump.
"Yeah, that prank REALLY got out of hand."