WASHINGTON D.C. - President Donald Trump emerged from the White House this week after spending two months in the White House on lockdown and noticed his shadow in the Rose Garden.
Frightened by the intimidating shape of his gargantuan shadow, the President shuffled back indoors to the safety of this television with the Fox News logo burned into the corner of the screen.
Minutes later, he tweeted that the quarantine would continue for another six weeks, and that is was former President Obama's fault.
Story Idea by Emily Perkins
WASHINGTON D.C. - Surprising even the most experienced of reporters and political commentators, the Trump White House made a striking move today by announcing that no members of the administration would be fired today. Additionally, no member of the Trump team would resign, no associate of his would be called to testify, no one in his inner circle would be subpoenaed, no White House official would be accused of domestic abuse and no one would be calling the President names behind his back all day.
"It is certainly a shakeup," said April Ryan, a correspondent covering the White House, "I mean not even a racial slur from Sessions? This is truly a sign of the administration in chaos."
Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders gave a press briefing and didn't blatantly lie or dodge questions either. She even confirmed once again that the President did have an affair with the porn star, Stormy Daniels.
"It is just so unlike the President to act this way," said conservative talk show host Sean Hannity, "By lunch we at least have a no name staffer leaving and tweeting about the amazing job Trump is doing, but it is clear something is up today since no one has cleared out their office yet."
At the time of the report, Attorney General Jeff Sessions was trying to be reached for comment but was reportedly hiding in a local motel under a false name to stay out of the President's mind as he awaited his career ending tweet.
WASHINGTON D.C. – Recent leaks from the Treasury Department and the White house indicate that President Trump’s Secret Service detail is facing an increased threat from spontaneously appearing time travelers set on assassinating the forty-fifth President of the United States. Reports indicate that at least a dozen attempts on the Commander-in-Chief’s life have occurred since he was inaugurated in mid-January, all from denizens of the future.
One member of the President’s security detail spoke to the Press under the condition of anonymity, “I’ve personally taken down three of these time-traveling miscreants. They all have futuristic weaponry and cybernetic enhancements. One even shouted out something before he was shot, he said something about taking down the United States of Russia, whatever that meant.”
Other leaks indicate that the time hoppers are not only a problem, they are determined. Over ten time leapers have been successfully stopped by the Secret Service. The latest attack came last weekend but the would-be-assassin was far from his mark as Trump was golfing in Mar-a-Lago hundreds of miles from Washington D.C., the place where the President traditionally works.
When asked about the attacks at a press conference, Press Secretary Sean Spicer had this to say, “Obviously, these unwarranted and unjust attempts on the President’s life from the future are a liberal conspiracy theory concocted from the lost Hillary Clinton emails, I mean how could this even be true when the President had 15 million people watch his inauguration?” Reporters in the room had no follow up questions to Spicer’s answer, they instead participated in a group eyeroll.
The Secret Service did have this statement to offer shining light on this issue while avoiding leaks, “The United States Secret Service will rededicate itself to keeping the President safe from all threats, foreign and domestic, past, present and future and on and off the golf course.” Reporters also tried to get a statement from the administration’s Kellyanne Conway, but was informed she was unavailable due to being in time-out.