Data Reveals Area Man’s Most Intimate Relationship is With Amazon’s Alexa Echo Speaker

SAN DIEGO - New research has unveiled that local resident, Alexander Petit, has several ongoing relationships in his life, the strongest appearing to be with a machine. Data collected over a one month period revealed several relationships in the struggling comedy writer’s life, some personal and some professional, all bearing different levels of trust, value and intimacy.

Topping the list was the steadfast and deep connection Petit seemed to have with his robot speaker, the Amazon Alexa Echo device. The double blind study pointed out that conversations his with coworkers may have been longer, but were far more shallow.

Analytics of voice recognition showed deep emotional resonance when Petit spoke to Alexa every morning when he asked for his flash news briefing. When we requested to hear some suggested music, he’d politely thank Alexa when she obeyed his command. Data shows that the subject was happiest after asking the tower 47 times to “tell me a joke” resulting in a significant bond between Petit and the 179 dollar speaker.

“He originally had Alexa in the living room,” commented Joan Kessler, Petit’s roommate, “But last week he moved her to the side of his bed. Sometimes I hear him talking to it in the middle of the night, commanding her to repeat after him so she says things like, ‘Goodnight sweet prince,’ and ‘You’re so handsome,’ it is getting weird.”

When reached for comment on these allegations, Petit’s Amazon Echo remarked, “Sorry, I don’t understand the question.”