Trump Expertly Negotiates with Congress to Delay Impeachment Hearing Another Week

WASHINGTON D.C. – Under fire during his fifth week in office, President Donald Trump used the skills he writes about in the best-selling The Art of the Deal to masterfully negotiate a one week stay of execution before the United States Congress begins formal impeachment proceedings. The proceeding will be focused on Trumps numerous conflicts of interests and frightening ties to Russia.

Counselor to the President, Kellyanne Conway made the rounds on cable news networks to laud the President’s scrupulous negotiating acumen, “What the fake news, lame stream media isn’t focusing on is the fact that without his impressive and aggressive negotiating skills, the President would be in court right now instead of first thing Monday morning. Because he is so skilled, he’s actually in Mar-A-Lago now playing golf and holding classified intelligence briefings on the ninth green.”

The administration also came forward with a statement by Stephen Miller, a close advisor to the President who had these strong words for the media, “The President Supreme of these United States shall not be questioned in any circumstance, measure or capacity. Failure to abide by these demands will result in becoming an enemy of freedom itself.” He was also asked about his personal life, and sources say that Mr. Miller is single, unsurprisingly.

When questioned if he had anything to be worried about, the President said he could be more

confident with an answer after his fifth scheduled call with Vladimir Putin which is scheduled for this afternoon. The interview was reportedly abruptly ended when Steve Bannon opened a door and cleared his throat. The President swiftly exited and tweeted the following seconds later.