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Trump Lowers Unemployment Rate by Hiring Hundreds of Lawyers

WASHINGTON D.C. - Although President Donald Trump repeatedly claims he is confident that there is "no collusion" between his campaign staff and the Russian government, his administration has recently hired so many attorneys that it made a dent in the unemployment rate lowering it from 4.9% to 4.8%.

Trump's team has been adamant on numerous occasions that there is nothing to hide from Special Counsel Robert Muller, then proceeded to hire hundreds of attorneys for totally and completely different reasons.

Ben Steingoldman, a representative of the American Bar Association was impressed but skeptical of the entire situation, "Although from a strictly numbers standpoint, this is an impressive uptick that's been recognized on a national scale, as lawyers familiar with Mr. Trump's creative accounting... we will hold off our excitement for when and if we get paid."

President Trump, who claims to be completely innocent, has been doing exactly what innocent people do. He has hired every lawyer in Washington who has any experience in long criminal trials and impeachment proceedings, even going so far as to ask for Jackie Chiles, the fictional lawyer from the television sitcom Seinfeld.

Meanwhile, in unrelated news, President Trump and his son in law Jared Kushner have decided to tackle prison reform, to make sure that in the future inmates convicted of any crime, say treason for instance, would be treated fairly and humanely as they spend the rest of their life in a prison cell.

Lawyers in the Jewish community were lining up to work with Mr. Trump because as the President said himself last year, “I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life,” a statement he made at a press conference days after praising some “very fine” Nazis.

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