After Four-Year-Old Accidentally Shoots Baby In The Face, NRA Proposes Arming Defenseless Toddlers
HENDERSON COUNTY, TX - Last week tragedy struck in a small Texas town when a four-year-old boy got a hold of his father's unattended pistol and accidentally shot a 21-month-old girl in the face. Advocates for gun control were quick to voice their opinions on the matter calling for stricter gun laws and so called "common sense" provisions regarding weapons safety courses and proper weapons storage.
Meanwhile, the NRA proposed a possible solution that would have prevented an event like this one from occurring in the first place: Arming toddlers. NRA spokesperson and CEO, Wayne LaPierre, offered this solution, "I can tell you one thing right now. If that poor, defenseless 21-month-old baby girl was packing heat, which I might remind you is a God given right secured by our founders when they drafted the Constitution, then I think this obviously disturbed four-year-old would have though twice about picking up that firearm."
While arming infants has remained a controversial talking point among both Democrats and Republicans, the right have seemed to lessened their concern with toddlers owning firearms. "Look, you have to learn gun safety and learn to protect yourself sooner or later," said Senator Marco Rubio when asked about the proposal, "And as far as I can tell, this gigantic check from the NRA says that it is a great idea. Please excuse me as I have to end this interview so that I can roll around naked in the pile of cash while firing an AR-15. It is what the founding fathers would have wanted."
LaPierre, who is a conservative, despite his really Socialist sounding last name, went on to attack the mental fitness of the four-year-old boy, "We are talking about a kid here who has imaginary friends, a kid who eats booger and paste, I don't know about you, but by golly that sounds plain crazy to me."
Wayne LaPierre cut the interview short as he was late to speak at a right-wing rally where he is planning to propose arming fetuses in the womb to protect themselves from abortions.