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An Unarmed Trump To Take On School Shooters In New Community Theater Play

WASHINGTON D.C - In an unexpected response to Trump's comments that he would run into a school during a shooting without a weapon, John Kelson, a community theater producer and staunch liberal, offered his services in order to make Trump's fantasy a reality.

In what can only be described as an act of pure bipartisan generosity and kindness, Mr. Kelson offered to assemble a set and full cast to play out Trump’s fantasy of selfless heroism.

When we asked Kelson about the production, he said “When I heard what Trump said about running into a school unarmed, I was inspired to help him make his dream a reality.”

John Kelson is a talented producer of low budget theater productions which include popular plays such as Fallen Crows and the Death of Brandon Lee. Mr. Kelson has also been scrutinized in the past for unsafe working conditions on set following the death of one of his cast members after what investigators are calling a freak accident.

When questioned about his history of unsafe practices, Mr. Kelson had this to say; “I have made great strides to make our sets safer for everyone involved, ask everyone who is still alive.”

John then proceeded to provide examples of his cutting edge efforts to reduce on stage fatalities. “We are using blank ammunition in our production and we have placed them on the opposite end from the live ammunition on the prop table.”

When we pointed out the possibility of an ammunition mix up, John calmed our anxieties by stating that there would be at least an entire foot of length separate the two types of ammunition.

John gave us an exclusive inside scoop of his production which has already been fully casted except for President Trump himself, who has yet to accept the role as himself in the play. The cast includes Tim Farrows as the shooter. Tim is an aspiring actor with a rare genetic disorder that causes the muscles in his fingers to spasm sporadically and involuntarily. Despite this disorder, Tim promises a killer performance at the premier showing.

We expect the show to be a hit when it is released, but regardless of the reviews, we here at Balanced and Fair News are proud that liberals and conservatives can join hands in peaceful performances such as this one.

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