Mississippi Bans Abortions: Bad Idea, Says Anyone Who Has Ever Met Someone From Mississippi

JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI - Unsurprising news came from Mississippi last week when the state government passed a law to ban abortions at the one clinic in the state that they were available at. Immediate reactions from concerned citizens pointed out that Mississippi was probably the last place in the United States that needed less abortions.

The general consensus through the rest of the country is that this was a bad move. Most people polled didn't even realize that Mississippi was still a state. The state has the highest obesity rate in the nation, the lowest high school graduation rates, the lowest ranking performance in schools, one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, the lowest life expectancy in the country and over a quarter of it's population are below the poverty line.

"Mississippi? You mean the same state that's like last in everything?" said one concerned citizen of the neighboring state Louisiana, "The only reason we like Mississippi is that it keeps Louisiana from being dead last in the rankings."

Activists were able to lobby the law through the state legislature and effectively ban the abortions from happening at the one clinic they were actually available at in the whole state. A pro life protester had this to say at the celebratory rally, "I sure is glad dat they ain't gonna be killin' no babies. We gots some of da best peoples in dees here United States being from Mississippi. We done got Elvis, Oprah and Jimmy Buffet, what more do you want? Me and my sister-wife ain't about to stop making babies, so you better get used to more Mississippians!"

It also has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the nation, and it looks like that's not changing anytime soon.