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Millennial With $250,000 Film Degree Didn't Even Come Close With Oscar Predictions

LOS ANGELES, CA - Local barista, Kyle Rivers grew more and more concerned as the host-less Oscars ceremony played out in front of him and his group of friends who were all scoring better than he was on their Oscar prediction pools, despite Kyle having the seeming advantage of having a quarter of a million dollar film degree from the New York Film Academy.

His studious efforts seemed to be in vain early on in the evening when he thought his sure bet of Marina de Tavira from Roma would be an early win. His bets against technical awards for the blockbuster hit Black Panther were also misaligned and led him to being in last place when the Best Supporting Actor went to Mahershala Ali and not Sam Elliot for the star studded, A Star is Born.

His further predictions about Best Original Score and Best Adapted Screenplay also fell flat as it begun to dwell on him that his life up until that point may have all been wasted. The hours meticulously watching each nominated film and critiquing each performance was all in vain, and the crippling student debt he racked up was all for nothing.

It wasn't until the best Director and Best Picture announcements were made that Rivers realized he hadn't come up with a single correct prediction the entire evening and began to cope with the knowledge that his friends who had all fared better in the pool would never ever let him forget his shortcomings. He reportedly ended the evening wondering which would come first, paying off his student loans or living down the epic failure of the Oscars watch party.


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