Man Who Still Hasn't Caught Covid Wonders If He Is Immune Or Just A Loser With A Shit Social Life

SAN DIEGO, CA - Local North Park resident Alexander Petit has reportedly tested negative for Covid-19 for the 5th time and seems no closer to catching the rapidly spreading disease despite his best efforts. The local business owner has been unable to contract the virus despite shoddy mask wearing habits, gratuitous hand shaking and a questionably short hand washing routine.


Ever since the virus began spreading rapidly at the start of 2020, Petit has been a perfect example of maintaining the perfect amount of care and attention to public health and safety to satisfy fellow millennials on social media while not terribly inconveniencing himself.

He has started to wonder if he needs to engage with the infected more or just hang out in public more often or if he is just blessed with super immunity. Despite numerous parties, grocery trips, cross country flights, and bar trivia nights, he is still absolutely negative with no sign of ever catching the sometimes deadly virus.


"Am I just not going out enough? I mean, sure I haven't been to like a rave or anything, but I get out. I should be sick God damnit. I just gotta get myself back out there more you know?"


Not one to let failure set him back, Petit has reportedly added catching Covid-19 to his New Year's Resolution list so that he can finally get those antibodies everyone is talking about.

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