Ted Cruz Warns If Filibuster Abolished, No One Will Ever See Him Read Green Eggs And Ham Again

AUSTIN, TX - Somehow still a US Senator Ted Cruz announced Tuesday that if President Joe Biden's attempt to end the filibuster is successful then then every single American will be deprived of the sight of him reading Green Eggs and Ham while trying to kill a bill that would help every one of his constituents in a positive way.

The sad excuse for a human being gave a press conference and had the following to say, "As I serve the people of Texas, mainly from my hotel in Cancun, I think of what they've come accustomed to over the years, and I think that a filibuster-less Ted Cruz, well, that's just not for them. How can I be mocked, maligned and hated by every member of every party, and by my wife Heidi, if I don't have this platform available to make a damn fool of myself? What's next? They're going to suggest that I actually support good bills that help the people I represent and that will lead to me getting attention? That's not the America I live in, in MY America, we cook bacon on AR-15s and eat boogers during live debates.

Following the press conference, Mitch McConnel said that they would support the President's filibuster reform if it meant they never had to see Ted Cruz again, sadly, it seems that will not happen.