Trump Demands In Person Debate, Handshakes And That Biden And Him Share A Single Diet Coke

WASHINGTON D.C. - President Donald Trump reversed his position on the next scheduled Presidential Debate this week by saying a virtual event would be, "a waste of time." He is instead demanding that the debate not only be in person, but that the candidates will shake hands at the start and share a single can of the President's favorite beverage, Diet Coke.

"If Sleepy Joe Biden (cough) weren't so scared of me, (hack) he would face me on the stage, shake my hand, breathe my breath and enjoy a ice cold Diet Coke I just drank from. What's he afraid of?" asked the President.

"Coronavirus," replied Vice President Biden. "Now listen here, he's obviously trying to get me sick. Do I look like Stormy Daniels to you Mr. President? No? Then why are you trying to fuck me like Stormy Daniels?"

Since the hissy fit the President said he is not contagious with the virus to a Fox News correspondent who had to clarify several times what the President was trying to say in between coughing fits.